Life & it's potholes

Yesterday the raintrees outside my flat bloomed luscious yellow buds..it was such a pretty sight! each entire tree was covered in pretty yellow bloomers..and they practically looked like two torches lining the road...

TOday the flowers were gone. Overnight the trees shed and the beauty was gone..How things change..it just struck a chord in me, u noe. when i saw the next day that the trees were plain and green again, as if they'd never bloomed.. e. just like my r/s..

things just changed and it's like such an uncomprehensible feeling..how i'd like to salvage it but it's something i can't change..we talked that night..and..i guess we reached a mutual understanding that the feeling's gone? i don't know. the r/s will continue..the effort will still be put in. but. (gawd. my MP3's playing zhi dao ni bu shi zhen de ai wo! how ironic huh.) i guess..things happen this way when a r/s sours..i'm glad we aren't at each other's throats or something..well i know i still like him..we just probably need something more.. it's hard to let go right now though..OMG.( The Hardest thing by 98 deg is on now..i love my ipod man.) sighx. It really IS the hardest thing.

live life n love life despite it's potholes~

blogthings

You Are a Visionary Soul

You are a curious person, always in a state of awareness. Connected to all things spiritual, you are very connected to your soul. You are wise and bright: able to reason and be reasonable. Occasionally, you get quite depressed and have dark feelings. You have great vision and can be very insightful. In fact, you are often profound in a way that surprises yourself. Visionary souls like you can be the best type of friend. You are intuitive, understanding, sympathetic, and a good healer. Souls you are most compatible with: Old Soul and Peacemaker Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

Blessings

" i think people tire themselves too much by thinking of what they are not getting. "

Was randomly reading Crystal's blog, and this sentence struck me so much.. To think the solace i was unknowingly searching for was found in reproaching myself.. yes. i MUST count my blessings again tonite.. i was thinking too much for myself when i suggested the breakup no? maybe i AM tiring myself out thinking about what i'm not getting..focus on the bigger picture girl! check out the things i DO have..
argh. impulsiveness! i need the strength to pass the weekend..and the strength to tolerate that annoying class of mine..

Random frustrations

Had another long weekend, with labour day on Mon...didin't get to spend any time with him though..was utterly disappointed. Dunno why i let myself get so depressed.. MAYBE IT'S THE 7DAY FIELD CAMP HE'S JUST HAD--MEANING I DIDN'T GET TO TALK TO HIM THE ENTIRE PAST WEEK....I hate OCS! some people get so ruthless sometimes..have i wasted my energies thinking of him? WHere's the "somewhere out there, someone's thinking of me" thingy gone to? he didn't even call the entire weekend after the one after he just came out.. damn. hate it when his mom comes back and the word "mother" means i can forget about going out with him.. i can't let out my pent up frustrations to him too...how to find the heart to complain when he's in-camp?? argh. it's so..frustrating! i think one day i'll just burst out in an " I can't take it anymore i just wanna break up" and then he'll just accept it without argument and that'll be e end of story. and i'll get to keep my pent up frustrations. *SCrEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAMM* (alrights. random frustrations..the above discredits him lah.)

how do the girls w NS bfs stay sane? i mean, i'm fine the entire week until the weekends, expecting at least a date from him..but when i ultimately get rejected i'm left w an entire day free cos 1-i would have pushed all my dates away in the hope of a date 2-i wouldn't have a slot at ben n jerry's 3-all my friends would be at church or w their bfs.. and it's so annoying!
ee. i don wanna feel apprehensive on weekends..it becomes so routine...hope, excitement, expectation, and then a hellway dip in spirits once i get rejected...then i steel myself for a brand new week ahead.. stupid. i don't care already..i'll just plan my own stuff on weekdays.. butbut. will i? urgh.

recently just caught up w xingqi..omgomg..she's gg to Melbourne U!! i am so happy for her! studying horticulture..haha..i can so imagine the xingqi in 5yrs down the road! happily planting her plants and reciting the scientific names off her memory..think it'll be so fun la the next four yrs..kinda envious really..contacted nadene and asked abit for xq.. seems like melb is a great place to be in, and the racial prej shouldn't be too bad, not like the rumours i've heard..and there'll be four seasons too!! i wanna go to Melb too!! frankly if i was in her place i wouldn't hesitate too much to leave..now waiting for the local replies, i kinda get a tad put off.. it'll be another four yrs in s'pore..but i hope i'll get to do exchange programs! hopefully uni life won't be as drab as Ge's... and.. i can't wait to go visit bern at London and Xq at aussie on my vacations!! that'll be so so fun.. yeah. wonder what the rest'll be doing? havent' caught up w many S41-ers recently..though i saw justin.. aha! was super happy to see him that day...usual cheeky self..and his hair has grown! field camp for him this week..lols.

omg. my colleagues are complaining abt e price of canteen food! whaahah.. i second the fact that sch teachers are abit ngiao. *grins*

thank god for save draft!

wahahahahah..whew. found it back..oh man my entries are like becoming so msn-ish..

yesterday theo n sis n xumao n binye got their NUS replies! biz..oh and i didn't get...*heart sinks* felt terrible, until binye told me NUS would send several rounds of replies..hope so hope so! it's like e ultimate decision already..once i get it it'll be my confirmed choice...i think. unless i suddenly change my mind..
mao's in field camp now for four days already..been praying each day rains less..just for this week..hm. it poured last nite.

argh!!!!

argh. i totally just deleted my first entry! where is the undo button??!!! *sobs*

my first entry~!

yeah...my first post! and i'm so not familiar w this kinda stuff, i actually posted an empty entry the first time! hm. funny my decision to start blogging happened in a toilet.. the school toilet. ha..the weirdest place i noe..was juz sitting there dumping and thought..why not? lols..been blogsurfing the past few weeks, partly cos i'm totally free when waiting for my lessons to start..realised that so many of my peers are like super good writers! esp e art ppl..wonder if i'll be able to write like them? guess i always wanted a blog too..but juz never got started cos i think i was apprehensive abt my writing standards? it'll show one side of myself and blogs are like. i duno. afraid i'll write the way ppl wanna see it..isn't that like an auto reaction when u noe u're typing something the public can view? hope i don't. wanna make this place somewhere to archive my memories and thoughts..ooh. my handwritten diary. i wont forget u don't worry..'sbeen neglected for sometime..yeah. i think mebbe after some entries of this i might get lazy again too..haha..hope not..
anyway last nite was fun! met up w e bnj gals for dinner at the glass house..had sweet n sour dory fish again..ooh. scrumptious. met one of my students one e way. argh. it is such a weird feeling! like i'm-in-my-usual-dressing-and-it's-super-casual-and-i-don't-want-u-to-see-it-cos-i'm-your-teacher-and-i-wish-i-wore-something-nicer feeling..haa..thank god it was dark. anyway at e end of dinner, we kinda stuck around in the glass house while juliet n eileen went to the istana park to light candles..and we blindfolded e three gals steph, ade n ger (bet they suspected something) and led them to e park. adeline like started screaming when some of us suggested some crazy things we were gonna do to them, and i was like. omg!! shush, it's a public park man! haha..there was this poor couple behind on a bench..we were totally invading their privacy man..and and..the frogs were super noisy in the pond behind..saw many ripples and i thought it was drizzling..but realised they WERE frogs! like how many man!! it was like mating time or something..haha..wish i had a closer look..ok. i mean at the no. of frogs. not e mating.. we took a few photos n played w sparkles..the kind which had high screeching sounds when lighted..bet e restaurant nearby was like so disturbed man. and the couple too..lolx. edmund came, after all e fun, smoking as usual, and chatted abit..threw his rubbish in a bush despite our objections..saying 'we pay tax what'..haha..ok so what we followed his example by leaving e whole mess of candles on e floor..we do pay tax don't we...
well, right now i'm actually in the staff room, and i juz have so much time to myself! think i juz raised my already quite high eyesight degree a few notches man..been staring at the laptop for like..3hours? since i stepped in..haha..i am so not disciplined..wanted to start marking those scripts and to start on e book newly borrowed-'Daughters of Arabia'..but dawn and crystals and some arty ppl's blogs got me intrigued.. hm. their language use is subtle but impactful..mebbe blogging might help me improve my lang use too..haha..ok. i think i shall stop now...shld i tell anyone abt my blog? *secret grinx*