My grandad, the strongest man in the world.

I haven't visited my grandad for near two weeks..about a month ago he got admitted to hospital, and hasn't been back home since. It just feels weird coming home and not seeing him on the rocking chair facing e tv, nor having him ask about how's school or where's sis..

It's probably uber lonely being in hosp, even if amah does visit everyday.. I really can't begin describe how i feel. it's just this little wave of sadness i feel when i think about how he must feel, like how much he wants to be back home with all of us, and how much he knows that probably his time might be up soon, and how much he probably wants to say to us, but can't.

The last time we visited, he looked so much skinnier--a little man in a mass of white sheets, with tubes and tape snaking his wrists and nose--we tried to talk to him, communicate whatever topic we thought most relevant to him as best as we could in our broken chinese-cum-dialect, yet the four of us, when left surrounding his bedside, could go no further than "how're u feeling? School's fine, Exams are round the corner", and were left stranded for words, as much as ahkong probably was, the generation gap too large to fill the slight awkwardness as we stood around, waiting for the adults to return and start the conversation.

The best i could do was to stroke and hold his large brown hands, hopefully attempting to convey through body language that we still care and we don't think he's a burden and that we hope he's feeling much better.. he tried to act indifferent and strong, but i saw the panic and dread of loneliness flash in his eyes when amah told him she was leaving with us for dinner, and my heart broke at his slip of fragility..i just hate it that we can't do anything but stand around and watch as the health slips away from him

in the two weeks past being caught up in school work and all, i'd still kept him in my prayers every night..i think i should visit him tomo. bring that plushie i promised myself i'd bring so he gets some company on lonely nights..hopefully as dad says, we could take him around to get some fresh air, even if he has to take a wheelchair. i don't recall ahkong truly smiling for a very long time now.. i hope, at the very least, he spends every moment as happy as he can, and know that he's loved and that we know he loves us, as much as there's been a lack of expression..

And then i just pray amah stays strong, that the lack of companionship does not leave her jaded for life but spurs her on to truly find something to do--that she starts to realise how fast life can come and go, and so she should live it fruitfully and know the meaning of being being old yet young at heart.

i hope they know, i hope they're happy, despite the circumstance..